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Saturday, November 9, 2013

Games of the Head.

I have missed two of my three training runs this week so far.

It's Week One.

The weather has been mostly gorgeous, I've had the time with the kids in school and even after when Kyle gets home (aside from those parent-teacher conference nights, oy) but for some reason getting myself out the door has felt impossible. Sure, I've been feeling under the weather, but not unwell enough to not be able to jog three miles at approximately the pace of a slug.

The loss of daylight isn't helping in the least, causing me to feel like I already have to cram so much day into so little light, so I'm already stressed and then being sure of myself enough to demand time to myself to run just feels overwhelming.

Of course, I sit on my computer a lot, though actually I'm feeling detached from social media. I'm working, I'm writing, I'm designing, researching, editing. I stopped the auto notifications to my phone when my friends tweet because it was dual notifying me and I couldn't figure out how to change that so I just stopped. Sure, I'm doing this but I've barely had time to go read and comment on all the other participant's blogs -- okay, not ALL because that would be crazy, but I have people I'm supposed to check in on and I'm ... I'm just barely getting these posts done everyday.

So you'd think that I want to get out and be active and away, but I don't.

It's a different kind of stimulation, running, that can still overwhelm my senses and short my circuits. The dog pulls everywhere; crosswalks and alleyways, traffic patterns and pedestrians, mile markers and clear paths.

It's still a lot of thinking, a lot of planning.

And lately, I'd rather just sleep.

I started running this time of year last year, but I was motivated to see what I could do.

Now I know. Or at least I have a better idea.

This training will be hard, fighting myself from hibernation instincts to depressive cycles to straight up just contagious illness and impending holidays. It will test me in ways that training over the summer didn't, when Kyle was home practically all the time and I wasn't the only one out doing active things. That's what summer's for, right?

I guess this is why people keep training and doing races. Because there are always new hurdles to clear and new goals to strive for, beyond mileage or time.

Tomorrow, mine will be just to get out the door and do it.

nablopomo 2013 via

nablopomo 2013 via