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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Tabatha's Totally Awkward Tuesday.

Alright, so a while back, I think at the beginning of the summer, I had a situation while Kyle was ... I think he was at inservice or something.

Anyway, it was just me and the kids in the house, and I'd been visiting with friends a good deal prior, having dinners and catching up with people I don't get to see very often, so I had been gone a lot of evenings and weekends being social, which if you know me is not something I actually do that often. Between money and anxiety and exhaustion and such, my social engagements go in waves. This isn't as much true when it comes to kid-centric things like birthday parties or play dates or whatever -- I suck it up for the kids for the most part. But when it's just me, well, my friends all seem to know when to hit me and within two weeks I'll be out most free time I have and then I'll crawl back into my shell for another six weeks or so.

It's just how I unintentionally roll. I get overstimulated.


So I'd been gone a lot, leaving Kyle with the kids, so I felt like I was out of place in my own house. Things weren't put back where I usually put them, I had no real idea on the state of groceries or leftovers, stuff just felt all out of whack, especially in the kitchen.

So, to alleviate some stress and anxiety, I started to clean. Nothing huge, mind you, but a good wipe down of everything on the counter tops and stuff like the front of the fridge and the stove top, you know, the surfaces that will get inexplicably disgusting within thirty seconds of cleaning it. I figured cleaning would help me reacquaint myself with my own space, and it would give me something productive to do while the kids played in the other room.

I'm going about my business, thinking about how proud Kyle's going to be when he gets home because I was ON my housewifery game that day when something on our black glass stove top caught my eye.

It was a long, BLONDE, curly hair.

Now, coming from where I do (and this was shortly after finding out Kyle had been in contact with The Whore again, so my hackles were already up) I immediately felt my stomach drop to the floor. My mind kicked into overdrive, trying to figure out who had been at my house while I wasn't there one night. Someone with at least shoulder length white blonde hair, who curled it with a barrel iron.

Yes, I looked at it that carefully.

I was aware The Whore had previously gone blonde, but from when I saw her at the restaurant a couple of months prior it was back to dark, so I doubted it was her. I don't know many of the teachers at his school, so I couldn't really decide one way or another about it being a coworker. My mind started flying through Facebook friends, people who may have posted to his wall recently or that he's mentioned repeatedly in the past couple of weeks.

I was coming up blank, which was freaking me out more. On top of feeling like I can never leave him alone for extended amounts of time, now there was some complete stranger in my house while I wasn't there? Someone I didn't even vaguely know?

At this point I'm shaking and have complete tunnel vision, focused on this long hair between my fingertips in my left hand while I gripped the counter top in my right. I didn't hear the pitter patter of running toddler feet until Kiedis made full force contact with my left leg, hugging it and saying "awww."

I yelped and startled, dropping the hair in my hand ... right on top of Kiedis' head.

His long, blonde, curly haired head.

And as he asked me for crackers, I stood there in shock, feeling COMPLETELY STUPID for not thinking of my own CHILD in the potentials for why a random hair would be on my stove top. The one I'd found looked blonder than his general hair looks, but upon closer inspection I indeed found some lighter strands hiding amidst his dirty blonde and light brown locks.

I took a deep breath and got Kiedis his crackers, setting down my cleaning supplies to join the kids in the living room and decompress a bit. I told Kyle about the scenario later when he got home, and he laughed a little at me while reassuring me that no one but the kids had been at the house while I was out. It more than kind of sucks that this is now my reaction to finding random pieces of hair in my house (as it happened again last week, but a team effort deciphered where the long black wavy hair came from that I found IN MY LAUNDRY) but at least I can laugh about it now, which wasn't something a year ago I would have thought ever possible.

Anyway, tell me your awkward stories! Make me feel not so alone in my awkwardness!