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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Kyle's Totally Awkward Tuesday

Here's post numero dos in Kyle's guest posting stint. Luckily for him I'm a tad scatterbrained so he had some material to work with.

Today I was trying to think of a specific event or one of the many awkward things that have happen to me over the years. Sifting through the memories finding stories from my college days, life as a teacher, or just plain being me, I could not come up with one I really wished to share with all of you. After all the memory searching I just happen to be put in an awkward situation at work yesterday. As some of you may know I work at as a public school teacher. Lunch time is a valuable commodity as a teacher. For a teacher lunch can be many things… a time to get some unfinished things completed, a time to relax, a break with no students to be bothered with and a time to converse with colleagues about the stresses of the job. I happen to eat lunch next door to my room with two older teachers and the head of my department, all female. The older ladies in a way have taken me in as their surrogate son and have adopted our kids jokingly as their grandbabies. In reality I am their geek squad when things go haywire which is frequently. The head of my department and I usually talk Social Studies business trying to keep on the same page. It is our insular lunch bunch where I am the only male allowed in to the all girls club.

So what was so different about today’s lunch meeting you ask? Well, as most of you know our 3rd wedding anniversary was yesterday. Since Tabatha was going to be gone all day she decided for my gift to send me on a little scavenger hunt for five different cards so she could be with me all day sending me messages. I open the fridge and a card falls out. Breakfast card has a great little saying to start my day. I grab my lunch bag and there lay another card with the message I should wait till lunch time to open. I keep the card in my lunch for later. As I pack up I discover another card with another loving message. By this time I was thoroughly worried she had ten cards lined up for my day and I was going to miss a few.  It would be one of those situations where I keep finding cards years later with really out of context messages. As I leave I kiss her goodbye and wish her a safe trip. Just to clarify with her I ask her how many cards to expect so I do not miss any.  Tabatha replies five in a tired manner.  I say to myself, “five isn’t bad… I will find them when I get home.”

So I go about my day teaching as I normally would.  Like most days I meet up with the normal lunch group. With anticipation I cannot wait to open my lunch card from Tabatha. As the ladies join together they wish me a happy wedding anniversary. I mention the plan that Tabatha has in store for me and I open the card for lunch. As I take the card out for the others to see how great of a wife I have I begin to realize that the front of the card has a blurred image of a couple running over a bed in their underwear. I quickly open to read the message. Inside it reads “You’re my favorite form of exercise” followed by a lipstick imprint in the shade that she wore on our wedding day. Before anyone asks to see what it says I quickly divert conversation and tuck the scandalous card back into my bag. I think to myself again surely this is not the card she intended for lunchtime.  With embarrassment dodged and the card put away for hiding, I still text Tabatha saying thank you for the card and notifying her that it was a little risky for work.  I get a message back, “You mean the Amish one?”  I explain the card opened, apologies are made and I return home to find the Amish card in my underwear drawer.

{ed note: The Amish one said "Amish You" and I thought it was appropriate since I'm in Amish country for this trip. Now I feel totally awkward too.}

So there you have it… my wife gave me a NSFW card for me to open at lunchtime in front of my colleagues for my 3rd wedding anniversary. I love you hun.  Thanks for the cards ;-)

So yeah. Come back tomorrow when Kyle will ... write about something, presumably. I don't know, I don't know his life. At least I don't when I'm on the other side of the state.